Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Meditation

10:55 PM by Christi Bowman

I am meditating on Luke 11:2-13. I continually go back and re read it. I can't quit thinking about it. I look up the original Greek words, and what Jesus is alluding to is astonishing.

Luke 2:2-4 is the Lord's prayer, and I am tending to focus on verses 2 & 3 of it:

2.Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth. 3.Give us day by day our daily bread.

Jesus is telling us to ask that God's Kingdom be realized on earth as it is in heaven. He wants us to be PROactive about His kingdom. He is AGAINST Christians sitting around and waiting to die to be apart of it. He also wants us to ask to be provided for as we help to bring about the realization of God's kingdom. He tells us how to ask is in verses 5-13:

5And he said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves; 6For a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him? 7And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee. 8I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth. 9And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. 10For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. 11If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? 12Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? 13If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?

I have been looking up some of the original Greek words in Strong's dictionary :

Ask: aiteo: beg, call for, crave, desire, require.
receiveth: lambano: get hold of
seek: zeteo: to worship God
findeth: heu risko: obtain, perceive, see
knock: krouo: rap
opened: anoigo: to open up
importunity:anaideia: impudence - cocky boldness
offensively bold
not showing due respect

When Jesus says ask, the word He uses implies begging and craving. Once we realize that the power Jesus embodied on earth, as the Son of God, can be ours we are to beg for and require it. Once we realize that in us heaven can be realized and where we are the Kingdom can be we are to desire and crave that like nothing else. When we "ask" like THAT, we are promised that we will "receive" or get a hold of it.

We are to seek Heaven on earth and the word Jesus uses implies worship. When we are truly worshiping God ( not a three song church service) we are seeking Heaven on earth, and when we seek we are promised that we will "find" or perceive Heaven.

We are to knock and the Greek word implies incessant rapping. We all know how annoying incessant rapping at our door sounds like. We are to annoy God with our incessant rapping at His door. Do we do this? If we do His door will open, and that implies that heaven will be opened up to us.

I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth.

Importunity is impudence and when I looked up impudence I found these definitions: cocky boldness, offensively bold, not showing due respect.

Our Bible's say that He will not give us heaven on earth or our daily bread just because we are His friends. He tells us that heaven will be realized in us and we will daily be provided for when we ask with cockiness, when we are offensively bold, and when we ask without the respect that is due Him.

And what will be given us after we beg, worship, and incessantly rap with offensive boldness...The Holy Spirit. He is our prize. He will help us realize that heaven is in us, He will help the Jesus in us come to power, and He will daily provide for us!!

how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?

The Holy Spirit is NOT minor and I am beginning to HATE when people refer to the Holy Spirit and His gifts as "minoring on the minors"...it is offensive! He is as major as it gets!

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Monday, October 27, 2008

Heaven is IN You

10:09 PM by Christi Bowman

I have been trying to wrap my head around the fact that the kingdom of Heaven is not a kingdom that you wait to enter into upon death, but rather a kingdom that you actively become a part of and live in while you are still alive on this earth. Heaven is the place where God dwells, and in so being is a state of mind. I am beginning to think that if we, as Christians, continue to wait on Heaven, abundant life might just pass us by.

Mark 9:1
And he said unto them, Verily I say unto you, That there be some of them that stand here, which shall not taste of death, till they have seen the kingdom of God come with power.

Strong's dictionary describes Heaven as happiness, power, and eternity and kingdom as realm; so the kingdom of Heaven is the realm of happiness, power, and eternity and some will not taste death until they see that realm come to power. What if God's hope is to see that realm come to power within us? What if some of us will not see death until the kingdom of God comes to power in us?

Luke 17:20-21
And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not with observation: Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.

Jesus said openly, and did not seem to tip toe around the fact, that Heaven is nothing that can be seen. We will not observe Heaven with our eyes nor will we be able to point to a specific place and say there it is. Jesus says quite frankly "the kingdom of God is within you." So what are we waiting for? Why do we preach death to get into a place that is not meant to be seen but lived in...now and abundantly?

Jesus said, before His death, that He came so that we may have life and have it more abundantly. He also said that the kingdom was near. We know that His death brought us life, but could it also have ushered in the kingdom and we have yet to realize it?

Matthew 22:3-5 & 8-10
And sent forth his servants to call them that were bidden to the wedding: and they would not come. Again, he sent forth other servants, saying, Tell them which are bidden, Behold, I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready: come unto the marriage. But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise:...Then saith he to his servants, The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were not worthy. Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage. So those servants went out into the highways, and gathered together all as many as they found, both bad and good: and the wedding was furnished with guests.

Who are the people bidden to the wedding? Who won't come? Who makes light and goes their own way? Who is not worthy? Who comes to the marriage?

It makes you think.

If you are having a hard time you are not alone, even the disciples asked Jesus how to pray and he said:

Luke 11:2
When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth.

Luke 11:5-13 goes into detail on how the Father should be asked. Jesus, in true parable form, likens asking God for His kingdom to come to that of a neighbor begging for food at midnight to feed unexpected guests. Jesus explains that the man will not give the begging neighbor the food he asks for just because the man is the neighbor's friend, but because the man won't quit his incessant begging.

We are to beg for God's kingdom to come within us and we are not to stop until we get it...we are to be desperate for the realm of happiness, power and eternity to be formed in us like a child begging for the best toy on the market...and then Jesus says that we who are evil know how to give good gifts to our children how much more is the Father willing to give the Holy Spirit to those who ask?

Who is going to make sure that Heaven gets formed in you? The Holy Spirit. Who is the Kingdom Come? The Holy Spirit. Once He gets inside of you, you will come to know the realm of happiness, power, and eternity, and it will be nothing you wait for ever again.

Acts 19:1 (MSG)
Paul made his way down through the mountains, came to Ephesus, and happened on some disciples there. The first thing he said was, "Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed? Did you take God into your mind only, or did you also embrace him with your heart? Did he get inside you?"

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The Hurting Parts of the Body of Christ.

2:16 PM by Christi Bowman

I found this post on my friend, Elysa's, blog, "Musings From Graceland". The original poster, Kim Daniels, is a World Racer and she is getting her heart broken for the nations. I only saw a tenth of what she has seen during my time in Swaziland,but I came back feeling this same way. If you want to be awoken to more than what goes on in your own back yard...maybe a mission trip is the way to do that:

~She sells her body to make money to feed her child.

~4 people in the church of 100 own a Bible.

~She's sick and dying of AIDS. She has been sexually abused more times than she can count. She is 7. And cares for 4 younger siblings.

~He sleeps in the train station. Starving. While there are hundreds of very edible cows wandering on the streets. But he won't dare touch one... because he believes that cow might just be his uncle, father, or friend.

~Her husband was martyred last year, leaving 40 orphans in her care. Somehow, all 41 of them survive on $10 a day.

I've seen their faces.

I've looked into their eyes.
I heard the unique tones of each voice.
I've smelled their homes.
I've slept in their rat infested rooms.
I've held them as they've wept.
I've tasted the sourness of their food.

I've laid on the dirt under the stars, holding sick, dying orphans who don't speak a word of English, falling in love with them as their bright eyes smile up at me through dark skin.

So its real to me.

And over and over again, I try to innovate new ways to help them. Because over and over again, it reverberates in me: "This is not just THEIR problem."

When a part of my body isn't functioning right, it manifests itself, sometimes through a cough, a sneeze, or weakness. When something isn't in sink with the rest of my parts, we'd say that I'm sick, and begin to do what needs to be done to get me healthy. If my lungs, stomach, or head suffer, the rest of me suffers, too....

When a part of the Body of Christ isn't functioning right, the rest of the Body suffers. When we who CAN do something do nothing, it affects everyone, even though you might not see it externally... eventually, what's going on internally will manifest on the surface.

Their conditions are not just their problem. And I'm not just talking about physical conditions. I'm talking about emotional and spiritual as well. Far too often we all walk around in a cloud of self-consumption, saturated in our present level of depression or happiness, the price of gas and the economy, our relationship issues, or any other situation we can keep our minds busy with.

And we miss the big picture. Starving children in Mozambique aren't actors in a Compassion International infomercial. They really do exist. I've held their boney frames. Women enslaved by the sex trade aren't statics. I've seen the emptiness in their eyes, and heard their unspoken cries for a Friend.

You know you're awake because you want to wake everyone else up, too.
If you don't want to, then maybe you're still sleeping.
Maybe you need to walk straight into something uncomfortable. Something you don't understand. Something that even frightens you a bit.
Until you do, the real world keeps passing you by, while you live in the Matrix.
True, waking up requires much more effort. But I promise you, its worth every tear, drop of sweat, and question that keeps you up at night.

Feeding starving orphans is not just the orphan's problem. Loving the love-starved is not just the love-starved's problem.

And waking sleeping people up is not just the sleeping people's problem.

I've decided its mine, too.

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Friday, October 24, 2008

"Do Not Awaken Love Until It Is Ready" (3)

2:18 AM by Christi Bowman

Continued from last post

Who hated Jesus?

Don't think for a second that when Jesus was talking about the world he was talking about non christians. The drug addicts...the prostitutes...these ARE the poor in spirit...and theirs is the kingdom of heaven...work on that for a while and it will blow your mind...it did mine.

Where did Jesus say we could find Him?

Matthew 25:37-40 "Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

The world that hated Jesus was the religious world of his day...and I have heard some pretty awful things since I have "awoken love." I am not inditing anyone, but people, we should rethink a comment I heard a while back...if Jesus were to walk into our churches today we wouldn't even recognize Him.

After living in this tension for a few months, I understand why you should not awaken love until it is ready. If the religious are going to start persecuting you, and the Bible says that they will...then if you are not ready that will be hard on your faith. If you still trust in the institution of religion than you're love is not ready. God is not religious, nor is He a christian! If you still believe that He is the institution than when the institution turns on you (and it will) it will devastate you and you will question God, you will experience unbelief, and it will be hard to get it back. Satan will prey on that like a lion seeking to devour, and God may never be able to gain your trust again...at least the kind of trust you need to overcome.

Please, as a person who has awoken love and walked on water..."do not arouse or awaken love until it is ready." Continue to "Lay hold of God", and He will take you "there" (I figured out where there is) when you are ready and He will teach you a way to abide in Him...no matter what the cost. It is possible and the power to overcome is available.

John 15:16 "You did not choose me, but I chose you"

If you are ready for this...ask Him to choose you. One thing Life is not...is boring!!

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"Do Not Awaken Love Until It Is Ready" (2)

2:03 AM by Christi Bowman

Continued From Last Post:

Do we have a part to play?

John 15:16 says "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name."

How do we bear fruit?

John 15:4 "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John15:2 "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

What will it look like if we are in him?

Matthew 25:23-25 "When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another..."A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for the student to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master. If the head of the house has been called Beelzebub, how much more the members of his household!"

John 15:18 "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.

Who told Jesus that he cast out demons with demons?
The Pharisees.
Who persecuted Jesus?
The religious leaders of His day.
Who hated Jesus?

(Continued)

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"Do Not Awaken Love Until It Is Ready" (1)

12:22 AM by Christi Bowman

Tension, there is a lot of it in the Bible, and I have stumbled upon a new one...at least for me, and I have been living in it since about mid July of this year.

Matthew 21:21 (MSG) encourages us to "lay hold of God." while Song of Solomon 8:4 (NIV) warns us to "NOT arouse or awaken love until IT is ready."

I have been doing my best to "lay hold of God", but I have felt stuck; and that has been very frustrating. Last weekend I attended a conference in GA, called "Break Through", and love was very much aroused and awakened. This love is powerful, and just like experiencing romantic love for the first time...

there is NO going back.

In John 14:11 Jesus claims the life source of His life and ministry..."I am in the Father and the Father is in me." a few verses later Jesus says in John 14:20 "On that day you will realize that I am in the Father, and you are in me, and I am in Him." And in John 15:9 Jesus says again "...Now remain in my love."

We get that He lives in us; that is His job. It is easy to let Him handle that and get on with our lives...after all God can't lie...so He is in there...right?

But what about the dance?
Could there be more?
Do we have a part to play?

(Continued)

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Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Prayer Language is Precious.

11:14 AM by Christi Bowman

I am contemplative and experiential. I experience God and I am stronger in the Spirit when I am alone or when worship music is playing in the background...while I am alone. I hear Gods voice and I understand and accept His guidance and direction much better when I can get away and allow myself to pull inward.

I need to experience and hear Him in all of the situations I find myself in. I need to be able to experience God, be strong in the Spirit, hear His voice and accept His guidance and direction when I am not alone or not in a state of musical worship.

The way in which I experience God the least is relationally. It is hardest for me to tune into the Spirit when I am around people. People tend to pull me outside of myself and I fight to want to stay in. This is especially hard being the mom of three children and really hungering after being in the presence of God at all times. Also, we are called to be a bright light, and to not hide. Retreating inside myself when confrontation strikes would be easy...it would be familiar...it is what I do...or what I did. Staying in the conversation allows my light to shine.

This weekend, Andrew said you cannot sin and speak in tongues at the same time. I like that wisdom. If I can speak my language I am doing the right thing...even if it is making me uncomfortable and I would rather retreat.

This is where I am finding that the gift of tongues is an actual gift and not something else you have to do to gain Gods favor. Speaking in an unknown language that I don't understand allows for me a disconnect, and I find that I can call on it whether I am alone or with people, or in a stressful situation. It gives me the ability to function in the moment but have peace that the presence of God is with me and on me and fighting for me.

Revelations 3:11-12: 11 I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown. 12Him who overcomes I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will he leave it. I will write on him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on him my new name.

Tongues are taking the place of my alcohol and my cigarette. Those things, and others like them, made it easy to go inward...to retreat. My prayer language allows me to find comfort while staying in community despite the tension community brings with it at times. When God does sweep your house clean you do need to fill it with something else so that there is no room for the old to return. My prayer language gives me the confidence to get through situations when I am less than confident. It reminds me of who I am in Christ and His promises to protect me even when the circumstances physically reveal something less than that.

Hebrews 13:5&6
God has said,
"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."
6So we say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper;
I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?"

It keeps me focused on the prize, and it reminds me that there is a very real war being waged around me and that not every battle has to be won on the spot for the war to be won. The war is won although we still battle for light.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

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Saturday, October 18, 2008

"Not For What We Can Get, But What We Can Give!"

11:23 PM by Christi Bowman

I have tasted the Lord and He is GOOD!!!

More more more I say...I want more!! I have seen the Holy Spirit work in and through me...He has let me taste that. I am at a weekend, here in GA, where I see people walking in their anointing and I stand in awe. Kevin and I experienced a powerful time in prayer with our prayer partners. God gave this couple the awesome ability to call out personal issues that they could have known nothing about on their own, and then they claimed healing over us in the power of Jesus' name.

There is power in His name and it is refreshing to see it and be a part of it.

Kevin has been healed from the devastating effects of his wheat allergy. His celiac is GONE and Kevin cannot wait to eat all the waffles he can eat tomorrow morning at breakfast!! He was also given visions about what was holding him back and he was told that "hell came for him at an early age to steal, kill, and destroy." That ground was taken back and Kevin was able to receive from the Holy Spirit and give up control.

Everything about my past was called out and confirmed by people who have never heard me talk about any of it. I was told that my parents are incapable of a healthy love relationship and that they did not protect me. It was so incredibly freeing to hear God confirm that to me via people who knew nothing about all the pain I have had to walk through and the buckets of freedom I have had the privilege, as a beloved daughter of The King, to dance in this year. It was indescribable to witness, awesome to be apart of, and incredible to hear.

I want more. I have been crying out for more!!!

"I want more, more of you Lord!!!"

And then, via a shameless plug, I came across Jeff Goins' article, "Q&A with Eric Bryant", in Neue and I read:

"Jesus' invitation was not for what we could get, but what we could give to the world around us."

Heard.
Received.

Thanks Jeff...and Eric!!

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Friday, October 17, 2008

Your Way.

9:43 PM by Christi Bowman

You told me
growing up
that you would
love me
no matter what.
But, what you meant
but couldn't say
is
if I did it your way.

I know about
your past
I've heard about
the neglect and abuse
but that doesn't
give you an excuse
to hurt me.
I was the child
you, the adult.
Why didn't you fight
your demons harder?
God knows I have
for the sake of my children.

I watched you pretend
with the people you called
"friends"
and now I am one of them.
And,
THAT SUCKS!!
You keep me at bay
push me miles away
I DON'T KNOW YOU!!
We play at this game
Our relationships a fraud
you call me daughter
I call you mom
but we are estranged
and I feel it
with every word you say
and all because
I didn't do it your way.

I love you mom
and I always will
but I can't keep swallowing
your bitter pill
I have fought for your love
I have wanted to please
but nothing is good enough
because you can't control me.
Your lies and your secrets
are what hold you together,
and you have chosen them
over me.

I can't reach you,
you are to far away.
You sacrificed me
for your own way.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Be Angry and sin not

10:55 PM by Christi Bowman

This evening my friend shared with us some verses God laid on her heart. My friend is facing a tough situation and she often finds herself angry as she navigates through it. She read Job 1:13-22. In those few verses we see the decimation of Job's world as he knows it as one slave after another comes into the presence of Job to tell him that they were the only ones to escape the devastation they each saw. The one verse that struck me in the passage from Job was Job 1:22

In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.

God often sends me down a path with scripture to show me something and it often starts with one verse. I struggle with anger. I am learning to not take it out on others or blame anyone, still I do not like the angry feelings that well up inside of me and stick around. From Job 1:22 God brought to mind Ephesians 4:26:

Be angry and do not sin.

It seemed like God was telling me that if you do not charge God with wrong doing in your anger than you do not sin when you are angry. I used to blame God for the bad stuff in my life all the time. I had this view that if He did truly love me the way the Bible says He does, that He would step in and miraculously altar my situation. When God would fail to act, in my opinion, I wanted to discount everything the Bible said. After Ephesians 4:26 God took me to Chronicles 28:22-25:

In the time of his distress he became yet more faithless to the LORD—this same King Ahaz. 23For he sacrificed to the gods of Damascus that had defeated him and said, "Because the gods of the kings of Syria helped them, I will sacrifice to them that they may help me." But they were the ruin of him and of all Israel. 24And Ahaz gathered together the vessels of the house of God and cut in pieces the vessels of the house of God, and he shut up the doors of the house of the LORD, and he made himself altars in every corner of Jerusalem. 25In every city of Judah he made high places to make offerings to other gods, provoking to anger the LORD, the God of his fathers.

In these verses God showed me what people who blame Him for wrong doing in their anger do. In times of distress people look to tangible gods to soothe them, when they are defeated they blame God and they shut the door of their heart and God gets angry. After 2 Chronicles 28 God took me to 2 Chronicles 7:19-20

"But if you turn aside and forsake my statutes and my commandments that I have set before you, and go and serve other gods and worship them, 20 then I will pluck you up from my land that I have given you, and this house that I have consecrated for my name, I will cast out of my sight,

In these verses God pointed out to me what the end result is of accusing God of wrong doing when you are angry. I have been there before. After 2 Chronicles 7:19-20, God brought Psalm 37:25 to mind:

I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken

With this verse God took me in a new direction...He said if you stay faithful and avoid accusing me of wrong doing and shaking your fist at me I will see you as righteous and I will not cast you out of my sight, instead I will make sure you are never forsaken...you just have to trust me.

And then God ended this journey through the Bible in Matthew 19:28-30:

Jesus said to them, "Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of Man will sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life. 30But many who are first will be last, and the last first.

In these verses He said to me and even if life doesn't turn out the way you think it should, that does not mean I am not sovereign. Your life here is but a blip on the map of eternity, and if you give up anything for me, and you stay faithful you will get it all back in the new world.

Wow, what a perspective.

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God needs a Body III

2:37 PM by Christi Bowman

(The third post in a 3 part series. First post. Second post.)

When Solomon in 2 Chronicles 6 invites God into His resting place, the temple, God responds in Chapter 7:

"I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for myself as a temple for sacrifices.

13 "When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, 14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. 16 I have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.

19 "But if you ^[c] turn away and forsake the decrees and commands I have given you ^[d] and go off to serve other gods and worship them, ...I will...reject this temple I have consecrated for my Name.

If we shut the doors to His temple (us) He will do everything in His power to bring us to rock bottom, and when we find ourselves at rock bottom we can pray and seek His face and turn away from being our own god and He promises to heal us. But, if we continue to live by our own strength He will not dwell in our mansion.

God dwells in people, not in buildings. We cannot go to church and expect Him to show up. People are The Church and He shows up, in us, wherever we are at "IF we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast (Heb 3:6)." But if we rely on ourselves, which most of us do, than He will spend His time bringing us to the realization that relying on ourselves will not work.

If most of us rely on ourselves and God is intentionally bringing us down because of it, than we are not a community of people bringing heaven to earth, we are a community that God is not raining on, instead He is causing life to devour and plague us. We cannot experience heaven on earth while living along side a community that God is bringing to rock bottom. God is still in the community that He is bringing to rock bottom, but that community needs to seek God's face and cease being their own god or God will reject it as His house.

You cannot show up at a church building on Sunday and expect to experience heaven on earth with the people meeting inside, at least not in America. Many of the people in our church buildings today believe in a God that helps those who help themselves, but God is not a liar when he says, with imagery, that community is heaven coming to earth.

If you have come to a place where you have sought His face and turned from being your own god...when you are ready to "hold on to courage and the hope of which you boast (Heb 3:6) " it is time to start your journey...your journey to finding your tribe...your journey to finding and finally dwelling in heaven on earth; and bringing heaven to earth.

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God needs a Body II

2:31 PM by Christi Bowman

(Continued from last post)

Hebrews 3:6 Christ is faithful as a son over God's house. And we are his house, IF we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.

Are we really holding on to our courage and the hope of which we boast when we take ownership of our lives and decide what we are going to do with them? Are we holding on when we decide, for ourselves, what our lives will look like? Have we even asked God what His plans are for our lives, or do we just keep inviting Him to walk beside us as we carry out plans of our own? Holding on to courage and hope does not look like fending for ourselves, or even supplying our own needs.

God does not help those who help themselves...or maybe He does help them...all the way to rock bottom. Do you find yourself at rock bottom a lot? I know I did...and I kept fighting to get myself out and it would just keep rock bottom at bay for another couple of years, but rock bottom kept chasing me and at times it would overwhelm me. I lived with the fear of rock bottom looming over me, and I was exhausted from running from it and constantly fighting my own way out. Finally I had to let it overtake me I was officially at the end of my rope. I had to admit that nothing I sought after brought any real happiness, and admitting that scared the crap out of me because that nothing that I sought after was all that I had to keep my world from crashing down upon me.

Funny thing that rock bottom; it did not look like everything I was afraid of. Instead, rock bottom was the point at which I began to find freedom...freedom from chasing and being chased. Rock bottom became my place of rest but only once I stopped digging myself out. Do you hit rock bottom and dig yourself out? There is rest for you. Has your money, your pride, or your power kept you from rock bottom? Self reliance is a tiresome battle and there is no courage or hope in it.

We see in 2 Chronicles God's decision to inhabit the temple, but perhaps the saddest set of verses in the Bible are found in 2 Chronicles 28.

22In the time of his distress he became yet more faithless to the LORD-this same King Ahaz. 23For^(C) he sacrificed to the gods of Damascus that had defeated him and said,^(D) "Because the gods of the kings of Syria helped them, I will sacrifice to them that they may help me." But they were the ruin of him and of all Israel. 24And Ahaz gathered together the vessels of the house of God and^(E) cut in pieces the vessels of the house of God, and he shut up the doors of the house of the LORD, and he made himself^(F) altars in every corner of Jerusalem. 25In every city of Judah he made high places to^(G) make offerings to other gods, provoking to anger the LORD, the God of his fathers.

Our bodies are a temple (I Cor 6:19). The temple allegory was not an accident. How many times have we in our distress turned from God and sacrificed to the gods of money, pride, and power for help. That is not holding on to courage and the hope that is within us...that is shutting the doors of the house of God and setting up altars in every corner of our lives.

(Continued)

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God Needs a Body

11:31 AM by Christi Bowman

I Corinthians 6:13 The body is ...meant for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

In his new book, Rob Bell talks about why God chooses people to be His house instead of buildings. Here is an excerpt from "Jesus wants to save Christians".

"In Exodus 7 Moses was going to confront Pharaoh and command that he let the people go. The text reads, "Then the Lord said to Moses, 'See I have made you like God to Pharaoh.' "

Like God?

God is telling Moses that Pharaoh will see him as God, or at least "like God"?

And this is not Moses' idea; it's God's idea. What's going on here?

The answer leads to a universal truth: God needs a body. God needs flesh and blood. God needs bones and skin so that Pharaoh will know just who this God is he's dealing with and how this God acts in the world. And not just Pharaoh will know but so that all humanity will know.

...This God is inviting these people to be priests, to show the world what this God is like through their lives. This God doesn't need images in the form of wood or stone or marble, because this God has people.

This God is looking for a body.

...They are how the world will know who this God is. God's reputation is going to depend on them and how they "carry" God's name. ...it is far more about how Israel carries herself as those who carry the name of God.

...God is inviting, God is looking, God is searching for a body, a group of people to be the body of God in the world."

God allowed for a temple, because of His love for David...still He didn't want one.

I Chronicles 17:4-6 & 10 You are not the one to build me a house to dwell in. 5 I have not dwelt in a house from the day I brought Israel up out of Egypt to this day. I have moved from one tent site to another, from one dwelling place to another. 6 Wherever I have moved with all the Israelites, did I ever say to any of their leaders whom I commanded to shepherd my people, "Why have you not built me a house of cedar?" '

..." 'I declare to you that the LORD will build a house for you' "

The house God wants to build for us is a house of people; a community in which He dwells. We dwell in His house (community) and He dwells in us, His mansions. We of course dwell in our mansion with Him because the mansion is our body. He prepared our bodies to hold Him and ourselves at the same time, and we dwell with Him in Heaven on earth when we dwell in community the way he intended...and it has NOTHING to do with going to church on Sunday mornings, maybe evenings, and even Wednesday nights. God left buildings when He died and He chose people to be His house...but not just any people.

Hebrews 3:6 Christ is faithful as a son over God's house. And we are his house, IF we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.

(Continued)

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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

"Become What You Believe"

1:00 AM by Christi Bowman

The concept that the Church is God's House is not foreign to us, but that we, individually, are the mansions (KJV) or the rooms (NIV), in John 14:2, is unheard of (as far as I know).

John 14:2-4 In my Father's house (oikia) are many mansions (moné); if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3 and if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself, that where I am ye may be also 4You know the way to the place where I am going."

John 14:23 ...we will come unto him and make our abode (moné) with him.

I looked up mansions (John 14:2 KJV) and abode (John 14:23 KJV) in Strong's dictionary and they happen to be the same Greek word, moné.

If Christians, as a group of people, make up the Church and the Church is God's House (oikia) than in God's House (the Church (oikia)) there are many mansions (people (moné))...and God will make His abode (moné) in us (mansions (moné).

John 14:2 goes on to say, "I go to prepare a place for you". I have always been taught that Jesus is going to His Father's house (Heaven) when he speaks of going to prepare a place for us, but when I also looked up "go" in Strong's it referenced a journey to remove or to die. In context, Jesus is preparing His disciples for His death...

So, what if the place He is going to is the cross? What if His death prepared that place and that place was us. What if Jesus, in His death, prepared our physical bodies for new creation? In essence He prepared us for our new selves.

Jesus goes on to say "and if I go and prepare a place for you I will come again and receive you unto myself that where I am there ye may be also. What if Jesus is not prophesying His second coming in this verse at all but instead His resurrection. What if, in coming back from the dead, He already came back for us? What if He already has received us and what if we are already with Him because He lives in us individually and we live in Him as a group?

What if Heaven starts now? What if there really is no spoon? What if we must believe it to see it happen? What if when we start to believe it Heaven comes a little bit more to earth?

To believe in this would mean that everything I have been taught to wait for has happened...it would mean that I no longer have to wait for the mansion, but that I am the mansion and my mansion (me) is in God's House, the Church...and not church as in a building...but Church as in ekklesia or people.

What if Heaven on earth, for us, is being apart of a community of people that eats and breathes God and is constantly bringing heaven to earth by bringing people to the realization that Heaven is now and can be realized no matter what? Heaven is the place where God dwells and God dwells in the Church (ekklesia). No wonder I hunger for community like this...I hunger for heaven on earth...and that is what I am supposed to hunger for!!

Matthew 9:27-29 As Jesus left the house, he was followed by two blind men crying out, "Mercy, Son of David! Mercy on us!" When Jesus got home, the blind men went in with him. Jesus said to them, "Do you really believe I can do this?" They said, "Why, yes, Master!" He touched their eyes and said, "Become what you believe."

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Monday, October 13, 2008

"Individual Discouragement and Personal Growth" - Oswald Chambers

2:50 PM by Christi Bowman

God REALLY spoke to me today through Oswald Chambers "My Utmost For His Highest".

The title of today's devotional was "Individual Discouragement and Personal Growth", and the verse in the header was Exodus 2:11:

. . . when Moses was grown . . . he went out to his brethren and looked at their burdens.

Mr Chambers goes on to say:

Moses saw the oppression of his people and felt certain that he was the one to deliver them, and in the righteous indignation of his own spirit he started to right their wrongs. After he launched his first strike for God and for what was right, God allowed Moses to be driven into empty discouragement, sending him into the desert to feed sheep for forty years. At the end of that time, God appeared to Moses and said to him, " ’. . . bring My people . . . out of Egypt.’ But Moses said to God, ’Who am I that I should go . . . ?’ " ( Exodus 3:10-11 ). In the beginning Moses had realized that he was the one to deliver the people, but he had to be trained and disciplined by God first. He was right in his individual perspective, but he was not the person for the work until he had learned true fellowship and oneness with God.

We may have the vision of God and a very clear understanding of what God wants, and yet when we start to do it, there comes to us something equivalent to Moses’ forty years in the wilderness. It’s as if God had ignored the entire thing, and when we are thoroughly discouraged, God comes back and revives His call to us. And then we begin to tremble and say, "Who am I that I should go . . . ?" We must learn that God’s great stride is summed up in these words— "I AM WHO I AM . . . has sent me to you" ( Exodus 3:14 ). We must also learn that our individual effort for God shows nothing but disrespect for Him— our individuality is to be rendered radiant through a personal relationship with God, so that He may be "well pleased" ( Matthew 3:17 ). We are focused on the right individual perspective of things; we have the vision and can say, "I know this is what God wants me to do." But we have not yet learned to get into God’s stride. If you are going through a time of discouragement, there is a time of great personal growth ahead.

What insight into the beginning of Moses's life. Moses knew what He was created for, but in his own strength not only could he not get the job done, but his human effort was offensive to God. God drove Moses into the desert and made him wait. I am waiting...

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Friday, October 10, 2008

Lies Uncovered.

8:59 AM by Christi Bowman

I faced my addictions head on yesterday for the first time after being healed and I remained sober. Because I chose sobriety, even in the really shallow ones, I saw how my addictions worked for me. I recognized their cyclical nature, and I believe that I understand a lot more about them now. They all worked as a team. I will write more on that later.

Because I chose to face my addictions sober yesterday I also had to deal with some of the lies I was told as I was growing up; lies that would help foster the thinking that would enslave me to my addictions much later on. When I crave my addictions I hear the lies grow louder and louder the longer I deny myself instant gratification. The particular one that played over and over yesterday was the lie that I was the pretty one and my brother was the smart one. I was told all the time, by both parents, (one thing they actually agreed on I guess) that my goal in life should be to find a successful man because I wasn't going to amount to anything on my own. It is funny how I can remember them chuckling as they would say that to me and I can recall, as I would sheepishly smile back, the painful realization that this was as good as love gets.

Now that I am an adult and not self medicating, I am very free to see the unhealthy thought patterns that developed into the pathetic view of self I carried around with me for so long. The lie that I was worth nothing more than how far my looks would carry me coupled with the burden of societal pressure to be beautiful was crippling especially under the secret weight of the sexual abuse which I had experienced. I could never be anymore than someone elses piece of a_ _. And for some reason I took that on and let it drive me. It became a sick obsession for me to be the prettiest, most well manicured girl in the room, and I hated any competition. When I found out how superficial and fickle acceptance by beauty was it made me obsess about it even more because I believed that was all I was ever entitled to and if I failed at it everyone would leave, my world would crumble, and I would find myself all alone.

It is funny how desperately we fight to never be alone, yet that is the very place God wants to bring us so that He can rescue us from the often times debilitating view of ourselves we carry around. He wants to give us freedom and we fight to stay enslaved. I fought for my own slavery for almost 20 years. I am not going back.

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Thursday, October 9, 2008

Miracles Despite My Lack of Faith.

2:25 PM by Christi Bowman

The pity party is over if only because I got what I wanted. God is good and He miraculously came through for me and I am so grateful; still their are lessons to be learned from this ordeal, and I want desperately to learn them.

Before this pity party of mine reached full blown status I humbled myself and prayed. I put my face to the ground and brought my needs before God. I told Him that I knew people suffered far worse than I did and that they would consider themselves lucky to have to live with my need forever. Still I confessed my need to Him and told Him exactly how I needed Him to meet it. I was a child begging my Father to do something nice for me.

I had a tremendous amount of peace after I prayed and then the bottom fell out from under me. The phone began to ring and when I answered it my world began to crumble (in a very middle class sort of way). As I reached for the phone I heard God whisper:

"keep it together I have it all under control. I will take care of you in this...trust me"

When I heard my husband, on the other end of the line, tell me what he had to say I lost it. Despite what I had just heard God say I refused to trust Him. I felt very alone and abandoned by everyone. The whole world sucked, in my opinion, in every way. I was all alone. When my husband walked in the door I exploded, and I continued to have explosive bursts all evening long. But even in the midst of explosive bursts I heard God whisper

"I have already got it taken care of...wait and see"

I also heard satan say

"buy yourself a bottle, if anyone deserves it you do"

I went to sleep last night praying in the Spirit. I knew I had messed up. I knew that my anger had gotten the best of me. I wanted to believe God, but I no longer felt like I deserved it. I was mad at satan's silly attack. Just how desperate did he think I was anyway?

I woke up this morning and checked my email to see if anything had changed. Their were no messages from my husband. Everything was as it was the night before and the ugliness found its way back into my heart. Satan was winning as I began reminiscing about how good my addictions felt and how easy it was to self medicate. I imagined how self righteous I would feel as I failed for good reason and how great it would feel to disappoint myself and others. I wanted to make people, especially my husband, hurt and feel as let down as I did.

And then it happened...my husband walked through the door bearing GREAT news, and just like that the problem was solved and in exactly the way I had asked God to solve it...though not as quickly as I had asked Him to in my prayer (and for good reason He was teaching me something). I would like to take down my earlier post and tell the story of God meeting my needs without including all the baggage that went along with it. But that wouldn't be right because that is not the way it happened. I was a spoiled little brat and God met my need anyway. I did not wait on Him and He chose to act. As a tribute to my lack of faith, I had accepted the fact that He was good in spite of not acting and that I had other lessons to learn. But that was not how this situation played itself out. He said He would come through for me and He did despite my lack of faith. I think we need stories like this one too so I will leave it as it played itself out despite how ugly and messy it looks and how vulnerable I feel.

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Tired of Waiting

10:30 AM by Christi Bowman

Yesterday I was all about the journey, and today I am tired of it. It has only been a year (this weekend) since this all began; Just seven months free of addiction. I am already tired...what does that say about me?

I thought this weekend would be a time of revisiting where it all began. I thought I could reflect, enjoy some quiet time. I craved some alone time with the God who started it all in the place where He started it. It wasn't going to be what I wanted it to be so I slammed the door on it, and then blamed everyone else. Yes, I still posses a lot of ugliness...a lot of anger, and I am having to deal with that sober.

I am having a pity party. A lot of addiction thoughts running through my head. I would like to go running till my sports bra cuts deep into my skin, I want to starve myself. I want to spend a ton of money on clothes, get my nails done (fingers and toes), get a really expensive hair cut with high lights to boot, and come home and chug a bottle of something that burns and hurts like heck on the way down.

If that much ugliness came out last night than maybe I am not capable or worthy of being completely healed...I obviously can't live into it, I am not as changed as I would like to be...so why not indulge it and give myself over to it?

Today
I
am
tired
of
waiting.

Why not allow myself to feel all that hatred and anger towards myself and the people who let me down or who were going to (in my own head anyway). Why does anger feel so good?

Going back to my addiction would hurt everyone else in the same way that I hurt right now...it would ease my pain (if only for a day and a night) and it would punish everyone else, and the worst part is that I could justify all that hurt and rationalize it away. Then I would have the self fulfilling prophesy of I told you so hanging around my neck like a scarlet letter, and I could go back to self loathing. I could go back to what I know, to a painful sort of comfort. I am used to pain. I am used to self loathing. I am used to instant gratification, and living scared. I am used to disapproval and the justification for it. I am used to denial and self medicating.

What I am not used to is hurting and not being able to fix it myself. I am screaming for an emotional band aid. I am not used to relying on someone who doesn't work in my idea of the right time. I am not used to someone who loves me more than I love myself. I am not used to someone who allows me to go through this for my own good. I am not used to doing things this way, and at times it doesn't feel right. It goes against everything I feel like I deserve.

But what I deserve hurts me, and it hurts the people around me, and it hurts the people I want to bring healing to. God came into this world not to give me what I deserve but what He knows I need. He knows me far better than I know myself. And if I believe that, which I do, than that tells me I am on the right path even when it squeezes me to my breaking point...for when I am weak than I am strong...in Him.

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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

A Journey Towards Resurrection Power

10:23 AM by Christi Bowman

In the comment section of my last post "God Speaks" someone that I have a lot of respect for told me "I'm getting there."

Where is there?
Do you know where I am going?
Can you describe for me the way?

Those are all questions I wanted to ask him but I knew that I couldn't.

I went to turn on some music and God said "not now". I asked Him where "there" was. I asked Him just where the heck was He taking me...and our conversation began.

He said:
"We are on this journey together and I am leading. Do you trust me? Will you keep following me?"

Are we going to Africa? Are we really going? I asked Him. My mind always jumps to Africa in these types of conversations.

He brought to mind some visions and promises, but He was quick to say "It is not about where you are going but who you are becoming " "It is about you"

"What about Jesus" I asked. "wasn't it all about where He went"

Luke 9:21 (NKJ)Now it came to pass, when the time had come for Him to be received up, that He steadfastly set His face to go to Jerusalem.

"And what He did there?"

Very much to my surprise the answer was an emphatic "NO...it is about what I made Him to be after His death...it is about the resurrection"

"What do you mean?" I asked

He brought to mind something I had read in "Pagan Christianity?" a few days prior.

"Since Christ has risen, we Christians have become the Temple of God. AT HIS RESURRECTION, CHRIST BECAME A "LIFE-GIVING SPIRIT (I Cor 15:45 NIV). Therefor, He could take up residence in the believers, thus making them His Temple, His House."

I am not minimizing the cross when I say ...Jesus coming into you and transforming you...THAT is the gospel. That is the hope we have. That is where the power to change lives comes from.

Acts 19:2(MSG)The first thing he said was, "Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed? Did you take God into your mind only, or did you also embrace him with your heart? Did he get inside you?"

And we must never tell Him to stop. We must never say that we have had enough transformation, and that we can take it from here. It is not about how He transformed you years ago, but what is He setting you free from today?

Do you like it here? Are you living in such a way to make this life more comfortable? Do you feel like an alien or do you fit in just fine?

Jesus said:

34^(A) "Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth.^(B) I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35^(C) For I have come^(D) to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36^(E) And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. 37^(F) Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Matthew 10:34-37 (ESV)

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Monday, October 6, 2008

God Speaks

11:30 PM by Christi Bowman

I read Discipleship 101 on Gary's blog, and Decide to be Part of a Tribe on Seth's.

Content like this makes me sad. I want this.

I have asked God:

"Why haven't you moved us?"
"Where are the disciplers?"
"Where is my tribe?"

He said to me:

"If I were to let you go right now you would depend more on them then you would on me and I am a jealous God"

and then He gave me Galatians 1:15-18:

15But when he^(A) who had set me apart^(B) before I was born,^[a] and who^(C) called me by his grace, 16was pleased to reveal his Son to^[b] me, in order^(D) that I might preach him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately consult with anyone;^[c] 17nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me, but I went away into Arabia, and returned again to Damascus.

18Then^(E) after three years I went up to Jerusalem to visit Cephas and remained with him fifteen days.

God is not silent. He is straight forward, and He doesn't always tell you what you want to hear.

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Sunday, October 5, 2008

Who Says it's a Marathon...

3:56 PM by Christi Bowman

I am constantly being told, by numerous people, that the Christian life is a marathon not a sprint. They tell me I need to pace myself so that I don't burn out. I am confused by statements such as these because verses like Matthew 21:22(MSG) really speak to me.

"Absolutely everything, ranging from small to large, as you make it a part of your believing prayer, gets included as you lay hold of God."

I like the idea of "laying hold of God" and nothing about that sounds at all passive, in my opinion.

I love this quote by C.S. Lewis:

"Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important."

God has, within the last year, miraculously set me free and stirred up a great passion to know Him and make Him known. He has not given me a desire to pace myself in even the slightest of ways, so I was confused by this marathon and pacing language, and I wanted to know where people were getting it. I remembered Paul talking about running a race so I looked up I Corinthians 9 to get a look at the exact terminology.

24Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win.

26I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got.

I run.

Although I have never run a marathon I know a few things about them. One thing I am quite sure about is that people finish marathons at differant times. The runners who run to win finish a marathon in just over two hours while others who pace themselves can be seen crossing the finish line in an average of five. I began talking this over with my husband who was quick to point out that the word marathon was never used at all; Paul only uses the word race. I got excited about this and typed marathon into BibleGateway.com. I clicked on all the English translations to see if a verse comparing Christianity to a marathon would come up and it did not.

My husband, being a Bible major, also possesses a Vine's dictionary of Old and New Testament words in Hebrew and Greek. He looked up the word race and found that Paul used the Greek word stadion. According to Vine's which is keyed to Strong's reference numbers, stadion refers to a stadium which denotes a racecourse. When Paul was talking about a racecourse he was referencing a stadium of about 600 feet or 1/8 of a Roman mile. My husband and I "Googled" 1/8 of a mile and got 200 meters. The 200 meter dash is a popular sprint and the world record for running it is all of 19.30 seconds.

It looks like Paul was talking about a sprint after all.

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Saturday, October 4, 2008

Josiah, Pagan Worship, and "Pagan Christianity?"

11:53 PM by Christi Bowman

Tonight I bought the book "Pagan Christianity?" by Frank Viola and began to read it. God had told me at the beginning of this week to read I and II Chronicles. I read the preface of "Pagan Christianity" on the way home from the church where we had purchased it, but I felt urged to finish II Chronicles before I went any further into the book. It is no accident that God had these books intersect my life at the same time.

As I finished II Chronicles tonight I read about Josiah, king of Judah. He was a king who "did right in the eyes of the Lord." The Bible says that Josiah "walked in the ways of his father David, not turning aside to the right or to the left." Josiah "purged Judah and Jerusalem of high places, Asherah poles, carved idols, and cast images." He also had the Temple purified and repaired.

During the Temple's restoration the Book of the Law of Moses was found, and it was brought before the king. Josiah had the Book of the Law read to him, and he tore his clothes after hearing it. He commanded his secretary and his attendant to "go and inquire of the Lord...about what is written in this Book that has been found." The Bible goes on to say that Josiah recognized, after hearing God's law read aloud, that God was very angry that their forefathers had not followed His law and that His wrath was going to be poured out on them for the sins of their fathers.

Josiah was in fact correct, and through a prophetess God told Josiah's men that God had great destruction in mind for Israel, but because Josiah had humbled himself before the Lord, the destruction would not begin during Josiah's life time. There were several Judean kings, before Josiah, who did right in the sight of the Lord, but it always mentions that they lacked doing one thing, and that one thing they never did was destroy ALL the high places.

I thought high places were a place where other gods were always worshiped, but that was not the case. Although idolatry was practiced at differant times, it was not always so; God's people worshiped God on the high places. What offended God so much about the high places was that it was not how He asked to be sought. The high places came out of the pagan culture that surrounded Israel. It was the highest hill in a particular region or community, and in that place an altar was constructed and worship of gods would take place. God wanted His people to be peculiar and set apart; he did not want to be worshiped in the same fashion as other gods. Still, for whatever reason, maybe it was laziness, or an age old desire to be like God, the people took worship into their own hands.

The Bible is very clear to point out that even good kings who meant well failed to understand the implication of intertwining pagan practices and the worship of God Almighty. The Law had not been read in so long that even God fearing kings had no idea how to follow God. God was very clear, through His prophetess, that ignorance was no excuse. His people would be punished.

In his book, "Pagan Christianity", Frank Viola proposes that "The church in its contemporary, institutional form has neither a biblical nor a historical right to function as it does." He writes that "history demonstrates that many practices of the institutional church are not rooted in Scripture." and he claims that "such practices are foreign elements that God's people picked up from their pagan neighbors as far back as the fourth century." In his opinion "God has not been silent when it comes to the principles that govern the practice of His church" and he goes on to say that it has been his "experience...that when a group of Christians begin to follow the life of the Lord who indwells them together, the same outstanding features that marked the first-century church begin to emerge naturally."

I can't wait to read this book in its entirety, but already I am inclined to believe him; and if he is right then God is more than just a little unhappy with what the institutional church is calling worship. I have always felt the church lacked authenticity, but I feared that it was me who didn't quite measure up. I thought I missed the boat somehow. Now, looking at the church from a different perspective, as one singled out and called by God I still feel like I don't quite measure up. I feel as if I will forever be on the outside but I am done looking in.

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Friday, October 3, 2008

"The More I Seek Him"

4:00 PM by Christi Bowman

A really great friend of mine, Elysa, whom I met in Africa, dedicated a song to me yesterday on her blog, "Musings from Graceland". The song was able to put into words what I have been feeling.

"The More I Seek You" is the title of the song, and the lyrics are as follows:

The more I seek you, the more I find you.

the more I find you, the more I love you.

I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand,

lay back against you and breathe, feel your heart beat.

This love is so deep it's more than I can stand.

I melt in your peace it's overwhelming.

As I listened to the song over and over again I was reminded of the birth pangs Paul talks about in Romans 8:17-30 (MSG):

17We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!

18-21That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.

22-25All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

29-30God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.

I find myself just longing for Him. I long to see Him, touch Him, hug Him, and kiss Him. I want to be the one to pour oil on His feet and wipe them with my hair. I want to touch His face with my hands. I long for what He wants. I hurt for the things that hurt Him. I long to become who He created me to be so that I can bring healing to all His children that I come into contact with. I long to be Jesus in every sense of that name. I long to be one with Him. I am madly in love with Him, because He loved me first. I want what He wants and because I am on this earth that causes me to live with a certain amount of tension. I read in one of Oswald Chambers' devotionals in "My Utmost for His Highest" to never mistake joy for happiness.I live with a tremendous amount of joy amidst much sadness and a yearning for new creation, life with Him, that is indescribable and very painful at times.

"Come Thou Fount, Come thou King, Come thou Precious Prince of Peace, hear your bride to you we sing, come thou Fount of All Blessing"

...COME QUICKLY!!!!

Thanks Elysa!!

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Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Prison

9:02 AM by Christi Bowman

I have been feeling trapped, anxious, and sad, and at my lowest point God brought to mind Joseph. It was if God was saying "yes, you are in a prison of sorts, but I had plans for Joseph, and I have plans for you as well, but remember, Joseph had to wait...my plans included prison"

I used to wonder, as a kid, when reading the story of Joseph, "what held Joseph together all those years?"

Joseph KNEW God.

Joseph knew and believed in God in a way that few people do. He believed in God, and continued on in his faith when life took a turn for the worse, when things looked bad. He was convinced that there was more, that he was an alien here, longing for heavenly country (Hebrews 11).

Most of us expect blessings from God, if life isn't good we feel deserted and abandoned. We begin to question God and we wonder whether he deserves our faith and trust at all...we wonder if He is worth this.

I read somewhere that faith is trusting in God to act even when your circumstances look the most impossible. I have been reading in I and II Chronicles, and one of the themes throughout those books is that God KNOWS the hearts of man.

I have been here before. I have sensed a calling, a bigger plan. I have always known that there is more, but I have always tired of the waiting. I have given up and sought after carnal things...this life. He knew my heart. He knew I wasn't ready.

I am trusting now, and I will continue having faith although the well seems very very dry. I will keep my eyes set on things above because I have already exhausted every carnal opportunity and I know that I know that I know that there is NOTHING there.

"Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."(John 6:68)

So I wait...expectantly...with hope...and faith.

"In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through-all that bloodshed! So don't feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?

My dear child, don't shrug off God's discipline,
but don't be crushed by it either.
It's the child he loves that he disciplines;
the child he embraces, he also corrects.

God is educating you; that's why you must never drop out. He's treating you as dear children. This trouble you're in isn't punishment; it's training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best. At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God."(Hebrews 12:4-11)

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