Monday, March 3, 2008

The Bible IS alive

9:48 PM by Christi Bowman

So, the Bible is alive (Heb 4:12). What does that mean? I think I got a glimpse of this for the first time tonight. I think I might be starting to understand.

I have been led to read my Bible...and this was my second night. I started by following a reading plan because I had NO idea where to start. I was to read Gen. 3-5, and Luke 2, and then I was to journal about a verse that caught my eye. I read it through once this afternoon. I wasn't in a hurry then, and I was relaxed...but nothing "popped" out at me. "No big deal" I thought to myself. I had prepared myself for this; and I had decided that I wasn't going to "force" myself to find a verse just so I could write in my journal. I had accepted that I wasn't going to find a "gem" every time, and that that did not make me a bad person. That being said, I had some time to re read the same chapters tonight, and to my surprise...there it was...Gen 3:3. I was shocked...hadn't I just read that this afternoon? As I already stated, I was in NO hurry this afternoon...I wasn't rushing through...yet Gen 3:3 was silent this afternoon. Tonight though, it seemed like Gen 3:3 was SHOUTING at me. I say SHOUTING because I tried to ignore it. It was a blip in the verse that caught my eye. Gen 3:3 says:
but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.’”

The little part that became my big problem was "nor shall you touch it".

I'm an alcoholic...there, I said it. It's actually a HUGE thing for me to say this. It's huge because YOU are reading this, and because I have a problem admitting it to myself. There are of course people who have pointed this out to me, and although I have made a FEW stupid decisions in the name of alcohol, I have NEVER hurt anyone...at least not physically...nor have I done anything REALLY bad. I like to drink though...and I can't drink socially. When I drink I drink to get drunk, and I like to be drunk around people because I like to hide behind my drunk self. People seem to like my drunk self, and more importantly I like my drunk self. A few of my stupid decisions landed me in the proverbial dog house with Kevin though, and he outlawed it completely for a month and a half. That decision was a HUGE step towards freedom for me. I like to use alcohol in social settings, but during the time it was outlawed I had to work through my people jitters on my own, instead of using alcohol...and I had to deal with why I used it to hide. I had to allow myself to actually FEEL my feelings, and work through them, and in allowing myself to actually feel that, I was also able to see other things that I was using to hide behind. (I'm a church girl, married to a high profile church guy...alcohol isn't always available to me). Alcohol, and the other things I used to hide myself behind (clothing and music) had stopped all spiritual growth for me...they had slowly crept in my life, one by one, and had made me a scared, selfish, and angry person that I didn't recognize anymore.

God has helped me get the music out of my life, and He has brought MANY wonderful things into my life to help me both understand and stop my clothing addiction. However alcohol has still been a hindrance to me. Although I know the power it holds over me, I have chosen a few times since to drink anyway. I wanted to prove to myself, and the world that I could beat this thing just by understanding it, and in that I wouldn't have to give it up completely...but not after my encounter with my Bible tonight.

I don't know why I didn't hear it this afternoon, but tonight, through the creation story in Genesis, God told me that it wasn't enough, for me, to not drink most of the time. I wasn't even to touch it or I would die. I don't know if that means spiritually or physically, but I don't want to mess with either. So tonight I promise God that I will never drink again...and that is why the Bible is alive today...because God can still tell ME...in GENESIS...TONIGHT...that his plan for me is to NEVER drink again...WOW...

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