I've found myself addicted to many things that have hurt me spiritually, but with the help of an AMAZING God, a WONDERFUL husband, and a few good friends I am overcoming. I have what some people call an addictive personality, and I have heard it said that when one addiction is given up it can be quickly replaced with the next best thing that comes along...all I can say is I HOPE SO.
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Friday, May 30, 2008
Your Kingdom Come On Earth as it is in Heaven
7:41 AM by Christi Bowman
I was sitting in my room the other night, reading my Bible, and the concept of God's Kingdom on earth just got downloaded into my brain. I am going to try my best to describe it. I need to. I won't do it justice. This realization, made the physical world around me disappear. The spiritual realm became very obvious to me...very real. I could see them clearly...the two kingdoms. One kingdom was very dark, and the other kingdom was full of light. They are both operating, alive and well, in the visible world we live in, touch, smell, and see. Both of these kingdoms are fighting, to the death, for us. Having to choose only one Kingdom became very obvious to me, as they are diabolically opposed to each other.
If you don't choose to SELL OUT to God's Kingdom, by default, you choose satan's. If we are making OUR life OUR priority on this earth, no matter how good of people we are, we are subscribing to satan's kingdom. Satan's kingdom is neatly packaged, here in America, to the naked eye. If you go to Africa, you will see that satan doesn't package it up so nicely there. You can not see satan's kingdom for what it is, anywhere, unless God opens your eyes to it. Take a chance, what have you got to lose? Ask God to open your eyes. It doesn't happen over night...but it will happen. God wants to open your eyes. He will take you on a journey...and slowly show you things, when you are ready, that blow your mind; things that you can barely use the words, you know, to talk about. Yet you know them just the same.
For the first time in my life I now see Christ's death and resurrection as a reason to celebrate. Next time I see a picture of Christ on the cross I want to whoop it up...or next time I take communion...I want to dance. This is serious stuff!!! Before Jesus died, we were ALL hopeless. We were all slaves to this dangerously real very dark kingdom that shrouds itself in the tangible. Before Christ died, because of sin, we had no choice. We were separated from our creator, with no way to make it back to Him on our own. Permanent separation from our creator...Almighty God...ruled by satan...IS hell. He hates us, and is only offering us "good" things now to keep us numb to Christ...while we still have a choice. These things satan offers to us...are NOT good. They make us crazy. When there is no longer choice, satan won't have to hide his kingdom, in things, to entice us. Once satan has his people, his hate for man will be made evident, and all the beauty satan has used to deceive, will melt away into an evil hating disgust for mankind that will punish the people who have unwittingly chosen satan's kingdom, for eternity. Ignorance is NOT bliss!
Now because of Christ's death we have a choice. Though born into satan's kingdom, we no longer have to be subjects to it. We can pursue MORE than the tangible. It doesn't matter anymore if we measure up, by the worlds standard, to ANYTHING. We can CHOOSE life...FREEDOM from what other people think...whoever they are...but we have to choose it. Because we have a choice satan has had to package his kingdom up nicely...that is why the American dream is so enticing...that is why it makes us feel happy for a time...IT IS A LIE. In reality, it is a part of satan's kingdom. He wants your life. This dark kingdom wants to suck you in, and numb you, so that you blindly and tirelessly use up all your time and energy pursuing it instead of the only thing that matters...Christ.
Satan's hope is that you NEVER find God, NEVER give God a second glance, NEVER even consider God as a valid option for your life. If satan fails in that, and you do realize your need for God, satan will do his best to see to it, that you NEVER experience GOD. Satan will use and pervert ANYTHING to keep you from experiencing God. Even things that God originally meant for good...like church. KNOW that if you choose making yourself happy in this world, you have chosen death. If you are a Christian, choosing your own happiness...you are running after death. Satan doesn't want you to experience God, because once you do, all you can think about is bringing people to Him, and that is dangerous to satan's reign. But, going after people, that is the only thing that makes your life here count...the only thing that makes it meaningful. The Bible is MOST harsh to people who try and play it safe. There are NO safe places on this earth. "Die or be killed" says Andrew Shearman.
God's Kingdom, the Kingdom of light, is NOT a place we enter into upon death. It is NOW...it is fighting for you NOW...It wants you to realize it NOW...and live in it NOW. If you choose it, you have to be willing to give up everything you are living for...even your very self. God PROMISES that if you loose ANYTHING because of Him, you will get it ALL back (Matt 19:29-30). That is what makes this life here on earth all smoke and mirrors. Satan, and his kingdom of this world, can not take a thing from you. It may seem like he does, as you suffer here...but God says, in His word, that you will get it all back.
anyone who sacrifices home, family, fields, whatever, because of me will get it all back a hundred times over, not to mention the considerable bonus of eternal life. This is the Great Reversal: many of the first ending up last, and the last first."
I firmly believe that as I seek after God, and work to bring His kingdom out from invisibility, if satan takes anything from me, God WILL restore it. God is not calling me to "enjoy" my life here the way others do...but what is that...70 years? That is NOTHING compared to eternity. We have to stop living for THIS 70 years. We have to STOP focusing on OUR now...that is NOT the point to our life here. God created this world. Because of sin it has fallen...but life goes on...under it's fallen king...satan. The goal of our life now, as we know it, is to FIGHT for EVERY human being born into this fallen world...to bring Christ's invisible kingdom, into visibility. Without the Holy Spirit this is IMPOSSIBLE. The Holy Spirit empowers you. He brings God's invisible Kingdom into visibility for you, just as He did for me. Ask Him to do this for you. He wants to. And once you see it...really see it in all of its Kingdom glory...you will believe it, and subscribe to it with every ounce of being that is within you...and once you do this, you get all the power that is behind it. GOD'S power to do the unimaginable is TRULY within our grasp. We MUST believe this.
I am becoming SO passionate about this. We Christians who are numb, who are living for ourselves...we can't share our faith...we have been lied to. We ARE being lied to. We have nothing real to offer anyone. It is not about us, it is not about our families...it is ONLY about the kingdom of God. We are at war...and if we aren't living like it...we are buying into the lie. We are buying into the wrong kingdom...and it only brings death...death to our mind...eternal death to others. We are responsible for bringing Christ to this world...and if we don't do that, no matter what we have, no matter what we own...we have nothing. Our life span here is truly like a blade of grass...God has opened my eyes to that. The only way we make it count is by giving it away. He offers us eternal life. We are spiritual beings...we will live on...or experience death forever. Why are we so willful...so desperate to hang on to maybe...if we are lucky...70 years? Let it go. Give your life away...really give it away to God. Don't try to hang on to a piece of it...NOT EVEN A PIECE...and I promise you He will empower you, and fulfill you in ways you have never even dared to dream about.
This is how GOD miraculously heals our bodies...TODAY.
9:02 AM by Christi Bowman
For those of us who have to see to believe, this is how God miraculously heals
LAMININ. The Bible says EVERYTHING was created FOR JESUS. WE were created for Jesus. God put a protein in our bodies, by which to miraculously heal us if we just believe in Him. THE CROSS IS EVERYTHING!!! After we as the church believe in Him...REALLY believe in HIM, it is OUR job to take Him to the world. We are called, as the church, as the physical manifestation of the body of Christ...AS THE BODY OF CHRIST...To heal the world.
God is SCREAMING at the church, right now, to WAKE UP...realize WHOSE YOU ARE...and GET BUSY. He wants US to get empowered (I Cor 4:20), by the power of the cross...He has given all that is His, to us...it is ours...it is at our disposal. We have to only believe. This is the moving mountains type of faith He is talking about...REAL HEALING FAITH. And, He has just made it easier for us to see...Watch the video...the WHOLE video.
I describe my blog as a place where I come to chronicle the happenings of this AMAZING journey I am on. I realize I am recording my journey on a public forum, and some things may make people uncomfortable. This is my journey, it is what is happening to me. This is where I come to process it all.
That being said, I have to clap my hands for the Holy Spirit today. I saw him move in the moment...and I am on fire! I have been learning a lot about the ways God prompts us to minister to others. It has been eye opening.
I have been listening to some sermons from Pastor Andrew Wommack, and he believes that one of the ways the Holy Spirit tells us that He wants to use us to minister to someone is by making us feel a heavy compassion or love for someone in the moment. This could be a person we know or don't know. Have you ever felt a rush of compassion for someone...a heaviness...and not known why?
Today, I was sitting in a room with several people. One of the ladies there began talking, and I was just moved by something she shared. I felt the Holy Spirit tell me that He wanted to heal her, and that I needed to pray over her. I said no. I had a lot of reasons, but bottom line, I said no. Eventually she left, and I felt uncomfortable with the decision I had made. I have been asking the Lord for more of Him. I have asked for more of the Holy Spirit, and I have asked Him to build my faith. Yet there I was rejecting His prompting.
I went home and read my Bible, and poured out my heart to Him. I told Him I was sorry. I confessed that I was scared. He comforted me, and told me to call her and ask if I could come over tonight and pray with her. He wasn't letting it go, and I had just promised Him that if I heard Him again, I would listen. I called her. She said YES. My stomach hurt. I called a friend for some encouragement and support. She told me to read Philippians 4. I did, and I liked these verses:
6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
I prayed over them.
I went to her house, and she told me that, at the very second I had called, she was in a very difficult place emotionally, and my call had given her hope. Later, as we were talking about the Bible, she shared with me that her favorite verse was Philippians 4:6. The very verse I had underlined and prayed over before visiting her. We talked for a long while, and realized that we share a similar story, and our lives have many parallels. Before I left I prayed over her. I prayed for her healing. It was INCREDIBLE. God was all over this!
I'm not used to seeing God work in the moment. I can speak of many times when I have seen Him in hind sight. But, sadly, I can't tell you of a time, before this, where I have heard Him tell me to do something and have done it. Tonight I was able to bless and be blessed, and it was AMAZING.
This is what I mean when I say that Jesus has chosen us, His church, to make Himself known (Eph 1:23 msg). He needs us. He uses us. We are His body. We are the physical manifestation of Jesus to the world today. He wants us to do what He did while He walked the earth. We have to seek Him. We have to listen to Him. We have to trust Him. We have to obey Him. No matter what it costs us. The world NEEDS Jesus, and Jesus NEEDS us, to meet their needs.
We, as Christians, know, academically, that God wants to change the world, that Christ wants to call ALL people to himself. We have a vague idea of the great commission, and that God's plan to save the world includes us. But many of us have NO idea how to go about this, and most of us are uncomfortable, if not down right scared to share our faith.
I read this morning in Ephesians, chapter 1 verse 23 (MSG).
Christ rules the church. The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ's body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence.
Reading that verse brought to mind the verse I quoted on yesterday's post, Ephesians 3:20
God can do anything, you know, far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
After reading that I thought about Ephesians 2:20-22 (MSG).
God is building a home. He's using us all, irrespective of how we got here, in what he is building. He used the apostles and prophets for the foundation. Now he's using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. We see it taking shape day after day, a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home.
God wants to do far greater things in us than we can ever even hope to imagine. God wants to use us, through the gifts of the Holy Spirit, to do miraculous things. So as to bring both Christians, and non Christians to Himself (Eph 3:6). We as individuals are called to be a part of something greater than ourselves, a community of believers, a church. We are to take what Christ is doing in us individually, through our gifts, and add it to Christ's body, the church. And, with all of us together as the church, letting God's Holy Spirit flow through us, Christ reaches the world. He says that is how He does it. (Eph 1:23 msg).
God NEEDS US to reach the world! Whether he has chosen to need us is semantic. God works through us both individually and corporately as we allow Him. Don't you want to be a part of that? We have to start allowing Him! How do we allow Him? We seek Him with all our hearts. We have to STOP trying to please Him with our acts of service. Galatians 3: 2-4 says:
How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God's Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it?
It may seem like a slow process to our American mindset. Americans want things to happen quickly. Time is irrelevant to God. Philippians 1:6 says:
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Our only part in this is to seek Him. Believe that He wants abundant life for you, on earth, and that He stopped at NOTHING to make sure you would have it. He WILL use things like the Bible, His inspired word, to change some of the lies you unknowingly believe about Him...but YOU HAVE TO READ IT FIRST. He will bring people into your life that challenge some of your belief systems, but you have to be open to it. Pray for faith. God WANTS to give it to you.
God wants to mold YOU into the person He created you to be. He wants to flow through you. Corporately we are the church, but individually we are too (I Cor 3:16). As Christ's church, be the center of the world. Allow Him to work within YOU, and through YOU He can do ANYTHING...far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams. Through YOU He will speak, and act, and fill EVERYTHING with His presence. Now THAT'S AWESOME!!!
In my last post, I forgot the most important verse that I wanted to share on why I think God alone can cure all people from depression. I Corinthians 10:12b (MSG)
Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence.
I know that people do not usually equate self confidence with depression. However, those suffering with depression, can put there confidence in a doctor, a medication, or in an addiction of some sort.
In the beginning of I Corinthians 10, Paul is comparing the Christian walk with the Israeli journey out of Egypt. Paul states that they were personally led by God with a Providential Cloud. He compares the Israelites walk through the sea, with our Baptism. Paul correlates God's miraculous manna and quail from the sky with our communion; and Paul also points out that they drank living water from The Rock, daily, and The Rock was Christ. But, after making this comparison, Paul goes on to say that experiencing all these wonders of God didn't mean much to the Israelites. Paul points out that they were defeated by hard times in the desert, and that the same thing could happen to us. Paul pleads with us to not depend on ourselves, but to depend on God.
Kevin and I have been listening to Andrew Wommack. In one of his sermons, Mr Wommack sheds some light on Ephesians 3:20 (MSG)
God can do anything, you know, far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
After reading the text, Mr Wommack pointed out that most people who read this verse like to put a period after dreams, and quit reading. They miss out on what the verse is trying to teach them.
When we as Christians face hard times, we wonder where God is, and we like to quote this verse to ourselves...and wait. After waiting, and seeing little, if any, change in our situation, we give up on God. Our faith wanes as we question the validity or relevance of scripture today. We take matters into our own hands, deciding that God's promises aren't meant for us, and we learn dependence on ourselves. This is exactly what Paul warns against. If we were to keep reading Ephesians 3:20, we would see that God can do anything, but He does it through us. Don't get me wrong...I am in NO way advocating a "God helps those who help themselves" philosophy.
When we are spiritually reborn, Almighty God comes to live inside of us as the Holy Spirit. That is why it is HUGE to miss out on "He does it...by working within us, His Spirit deeply and gently within us." God CAN do ANYTHING (we can't even begin to grasp what our God is capable of), and He chooses to use US to do it. Ephesians says He will not push us around though. He refuses to rip the problems out of our lives as long as we depend on ourselves, and whatever worldly method we believe in to fix them. He does not want us depending on ourselves, He wants us to have God confidence...confidence in Him. And, when we start to trust in Him He CAN, and WILL, heal us...completely...and then He can do ANYTHING through His Spirit, ALIVE, and working in us.
I have had to cope with A LOT this past week. I can think of THREE events that occurred, and they caused me a lot of pain and angst. Any one of them, had I chosen my path of least resistance, anger, could have derailed my faith and sent me into a depression. I know this because there have been MANY times in my life when I was determined to give my life to God, but at the first sign of problems, I took my life back and said "that's o.k. God I can handle this, and by the way HOW COULD YOU?". Through Christ, I am not allowing myself to stay angry at the people who hurt me anymore. I refuse to avoid pain, by staying angry at it. God doesn't promise a pain free life...I Corinthians 10:13 (msg)
No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.
This is a TRUTH from God's word. Many people quote it, but do we believe it? If we did, we wouldn't give up so easily, and let the enemy lie to us. If we honestly subscribed to this, God would be the very reason we could get up in the morning and fight...fight the deceiver, and find REAL contentment and happiness...no matter what.
He doesn't promise a trial free life, but He does promise abundant life...I Corinthians 10:24 (msg)
But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well.
When we get mad at and blame God for the pain and frustration that this fallen world has brought and continues to bring into our lives, instead of pressing into Him to walk us through it, we put God into a box. When we fight against God and rage at Him, or just sadly give up and quit living, we tell God that He doesn't know what he is doing. I Corinthians 10:14 (msg) says
So, my very dear friends, when you see people reducing God to something they can use or control, get out of their company as fast as you can.
The main reason we get angry with God, and get depressed, is because things aren't going our way, but I Corinthians 10:6 (msg) says:
We must be on guard so that we never get caught up in wanting our own way...
We must remember that it is not all about us as individuals. I have a friend who says "God doesn't want me to live this way". I look at her situation right now, and I believe that she is absolutely right. My friend is facing a pretty bad state of affairs. God promises her abundant life, but the life she is living at the moment is anything but full of abundance. What does this mean? Is it God's desire that she live like this? No! Does that mean that it's His fault that she does? No! Should she be mad at God for her present situation? No! She should be mad at the father of ALL lies. She should be angry, but she should direct her anger at the right place. She should claim the truths of God, and believe them with all her heart. That should be her reason to get up in the morning. She should get up fighting and praying against the evil that holds her captive, and God, will deliver her. I believe this because He delivered me. I can't say how he will deliver her, but if she seeks Him, and clings to Him, He will...because He is the God of truth, and He says He will. If we use our life circumstance as a reason to give up and not fight, if we turn our backs on God as we rage at Him, what hope do we have? I Corinthians 10:18
We don't reduce Christ to what we are; he raises us to what he is.
God won't be reduced to our painfully human idea of who we think He is. He won't allow us to put him in our boxes of expectation. He is who He says He is, and He wants to raise us up to who He is. Why do we fight against Him like we do? We fight against who He wants us to be because we have become numb. We buy into what this world has to offer, and we wonder, once we have pursued our idols, where God is at. But I Cor 10:20-22 (msg) is very clear:
...what's the idol but a nothing? Or worse than nothing, a minus, a demon! I don't want you to become part of something that reduces you to less than yourself. And you can't have it both ways, banqueting with the Master one day and slumming with demons the next. Besides, the Master won't put up with it. He wants us, all or nothing. Do you think you can get off with anything less?
This is harsh language, but anything you put above God, and His will, is an idol, and an idol is a demon. You can't hope to understand what God is doing in your life, or the lives of those you love as long as you put this world, and what it says you deserve, first. It is not about our short life span here on this planet...it is about God, and His Kingdom. THAT is why we are here. I Cor 10:9 (msg)
We must never try to get Christ to serve us instead of us serving him
He wants to make our lives meaningful and abundant, but He can't as long as we have one toe in this world. What we don't realize is the pursuit of those things, whatever they are, are the source of our misery. We must pursue Him,with all of our heart, and He will give us the desires of our heart. Know this though, when we are honestly pursuing Him, the desires of our heart will change.
In the gospels, Jesus tells Satan, while He is being tempted in the wilderness, while fasting, that man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God. WHAT? I used to think that was a passage only for the ultra religious people, because just being honest, my body needs food. Sometimes I felt bad about admitting my body's need for food...who are the people who can just live by God's word? God must REALLY like these people, I used to think ( perverse views of God destroy you).
I wrote Deuteronomy 8:2-5 down in my journal about a month ago, and I found a blank page next to it. This passage obviously stood out to me, but looking back, I must not have known why it stood out, because I couldn't write anything down. I reread it today, and immediately I saw
"He fed you with manna...so that you would learn that men and women don't live by bread alone; we live by every word that comes from God's mouth."
I noticed today, that God provided the Israelites with tangible food, to feed their mortal stomachs, all the while making the point that we don't live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from God's mouth.
The point I hear him making to me is...yes, I know your human body needs tangible food...I made you. Remember? I want you to realize that you don't live by tangible food...you live by me...don't fear when the food isn't there...depend on me...and I will provide you with the tangible food your stomach needs to survive. In other words...don't fear when the money for Africa isn't showing up...you don't need the money...you need me. I know you need the money to get over there...I created the world you live in...and I know how it works. Still, don't fear the lack of money...fear me...I can get you the money you need...by speaking it into being...I am God!!!!!
I get this feeling that God wants me to depend on Him for everything, and as I learn that dependence...REALLY learn it...I will see AMAZING things...and so will you.
In my last post, I wrote that I was in a state of uncomfortable limbo. I know there is a long term calling on my life, and that of my family's, to live indefinitely in Africa. Right now, though, as my family waits on God's timing for Africa, there has arisen a calling, so to speak, right where I am at. I feel like I have become a pain magnet. Everywhere I go I find hurting people who need someone to confide in, and I become their confidant, and later their intercessor. When I find myself in this situation, I feel led by the Holy Spirit, to start talking about my recent "conversion". He wants me to tell people what He has done for me. I am not used to talking about God as if He is knowable in this life time, until now, I was sure He wasn't. I knew I believed in God, but we didn't have a relationship. We didn't talk, I didn't ask Him for His opinion. I didn't seek God out. I didn't understand how knowable He could be. Since God called me out in October, my opinions about Him have changed. God told me He couldn't use me like this, and He has been pushing, nudging, and talking to me ever since. I know it is God because when I listen to His voice, and I follow His lead...things happen. Amazing things happen.
It is scary to be God's fool. It doesn't look right to other people, and a lot of the time it is not comfortable. I continually second guess God when He prompts me to tell my story. "Really?" I say. "Here?" "Now?" It always amazes me how right He is. Everyone that I have shared with, has expressed a craving for God to become that real for them. My story doesn't fix anything for them. In fact, I find that it stirs up questions I can't answer. I'm uncomfortable when God leads me to a place with no answers. My head tells me to trust the Holy Spirit, but my heart wonders why He left me hanging. Many people ask me, how our support is coming a long...and right now there is not much to report. We are literally waiting on God to open doors. It is uncomfortable, and it goes against everything I have ever been taught. Dependence on God is scary, because you give up your control. My mind knows that God's timing is perfect, but reassuring my heart that He is still around, when His timing is not immediate is more difficult. I am finding it hard to surrender control indefinitely. I am finding it hard to trust Him all the time.
He always comes through for me though. After I posted, on Friday, about feeling uncomfortable, and being in limbo I opened my Bible, and read Joshua 3 verse 4
"When you see the Covenant-Chest of God, your God, carried by the Levitical priests, start moving. Follow it. Make sure you keep a proper distance between you and it, about half a mile be sure now to keep your distance! and you'll see clearly the route to take. You've never been on this road before."
I cried. I literally felt Him lovingly reassure me of His presence in all of this. He told me that He sees the big picture. He confirmed to me that He understood how daunting this was for me, by letting me know that He knew I had never been on this road before. He knows this walking by faith is new to me. He told my heart that the distance it feels, when it is left hanging by faith, is the proper distance to see clearly the route I am to take. I can't constantly be on a high, or emotionalism would cloud my judgment. He told me to keep following Him, but at times, to see more clearly, it would need to be at a distance.
I Corinthians 4:20 - God's Way is not a matter of mere talk; it's an empowered life.
I believe this verse, REALLY believe it. I have seen glimpses of it in my own life. I have been empowered to remove some SERIOUS addictions...they are GONE now...and I have NO desire to go back to them. Now what? I became accustomed to His unquestionable presence in my life. I didn't ask Him. God just appeared. He dug in, and He called ME. Now that He has my attention, I feel like I have to remind Him that He called me, and tell Him that I am still here...waiting. I have a TREMENDOUS need for God. I have an addictive personality, and He's my drug. In the past, I have been spoiled by instant gratification from my worldly addictions...but right now I'm having to wait, and it's getting uncomfortable.
Some of His promises are that this season of Kevin's and my life is over. He is moving us on. He has let both of us know that He is taking care of our funding needs, and that He will sell our house. He has definitely been busy weeding out many things in our lives that were a part of the old season. He has brought us to this place of uncomfortable limbo, and the nudging has seemed to stop. Where did the empowerment go? I am not feeling empowered! Yet, while we are still here, in uncomfortable limbo land, He has brought into my life, a small community of hurting Christians. I thought, for a while, I might be able to help. I was living an empowered life. He was there, and I knew it. I wanted to tell everyone that I was involved with, that He could be as real for them, as He was for me. He was more than a religion, an ideology...insurance. He was a friend, and a father. He had visited me, and had done miraculous things for me...I, for the first time in my life, had gotten what REAL Christianity had to offer...a tangible relationship with Almighty God. It's not so tangible right now. These hurting Christians have A LOT of good questions, and I can't make God speak to them in a way that they can hear Him...and I can't make them hear Him. I used to have A LOT of questions for God too, but with the sound of His voice, He answered ALL of them...but what do you do when fellow sufferers can't hear His voice? Pray? I am. I can't make Him show up for them like He did for me. I want to, but I just can't.
So hear I sit, in limbo, with an addiction to a God I can't control. He works differently than any drug I have ever experienced before...yet I am always wanting more. I sense God working, although for now I can't really hear Him...or see Him. I can't go back, nor do I even desire to. I don't want Egypt, but I don't want the desert either. I want the promise land. I want abundant life everyday. I want an empowered life!
