Monday, March 9, 2009

The Lenten Season

8:07 AM by Christi Bowman

The Lenten season is upon us, and truth be told this is the first time I have given up anything. My husband has observed Lent since we were dating, and I have made it my civic duty to make his life miserable by enticing him all forty days long with whatever it was that he purposed to go without (I can be quite snake like when I do not get the point of something yet feel as though I am being left out of a great big secret).

My husband declared what he was giving up for Lent this year, two weeks before it was due to start; it was at that time that the Holy Spirit asked me to give up what I am currently going without. I hemmed and I hawed. I thought of and presented to Him the many reasons why I could not possibly give up what He was asking of me and He constantly provided the way around my reasons. At the end of the day there is nothing I would deny Him and so I set my face towards Ash Wednesday.

Without even reading the book, 'The Five Love Languages', I can tell you the easiest way to my heart, words of affirmation. I crave them and the more of them I get the more of them I want; I am insatiable when it comes to approval...it feels good! I care A LOT about what people think although from childhood I perceived that that was not a safe thing to broadcast so I carried a chip on my shoulder that said quite the opposite. I have found in Facebook and blogging an "innocent" way to get for myself the "love" I crave and I have found myself sucked in unaware and very selfishly obsessed with "that" world.

I have, for a while now, been dismally aware of the fact that I am much more easily tuned into the opinions of people rather than with what God is thinking, and to be honest, at times, because people are more tangible and much quicker to speak, I find myself reaching out more for what they have to say rather than waiting on God. I have noticed that I let people speak where I should have been still and waited on God to speak, and I justify this behavior by rationalizing that God speaks through people. This reality has made me sad, but my addictive personality has been rearing its ugly head and no matter how hard I have tried I have not been able to keep my finger off the refresh button.

God, because of His great love for me, and because He knows me far better that I know myself, has asked me to sacrifice something of great importance to me because it is harming me and I am powerless to stop it. I LOVE to write and I believe that God has given me my blog as a gift and as an outlet. For Lent I have chosen to write on a word pad and have my husband post what I have written to my blog; checking my email, and visiting Facebook, and my blog are simply off limits.

It has been ten days now and I have been nothing but blessed. Where people are concerned, It has been awfully quiet on the words of affirmation front, but I have discovered a very profound and exciting truth: when people are silenced God becomes incredibly easier to hear. He has been more than faithful and He has shown me that He can completely fulfill all of my needs, even this one, in a way that people never could. He loves me very much, that I am very sure about and quite secure in. He is indescribably beautiful and the words He speaks into my spirit take away my hunger and my thirst. He has given me two very precious love songs that I play over and over again and I have learned that I can't MAKE Him happy, but that I make Him very happy.

Praise Him!! He makes my heart glad!!

1 comments - Permalink -

 

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Voyage of the Dawn Treader

5:56 PM by Christi Bowman

I am loosening the death grip I had on my time of solitude during my son’s nap. I felt Jesus asking me to be available to His leading during that time. Funny thing, I thought that my death grip on my solitude was because I had Jesus in mind, but it turns out it was for me and I was using Him to ease my conscience.
After I put my son in his room I have started reading aloud to my girls. My oldest loves the Narnia movies, as do I. We have the whole series in book form, which I have read twice already, however we decided to start with book three, Voyage of the Dawn Treader, since the first two books, in movie form, are still so fresh in their minds.
The girls and I came to chapters six and seven, yesterday, in our book, and they are where Aslan makes his first appearance in this story. C.S. Lewis has wonderful insight, as he closes chapter 7, into the affect a meeting with God can have on a person. C.S. Lewis shows a lot of grace as he eloquently states that although a meeting between Jesus and man causes nothing but change it is still a process!

"It would be nice and fairly nearly true to say that 'from that time forth Eustace was a different boy.' To be strictly accurate, he began to be a different boy. He had relapses. There were still many days when he could be very tiresome. But most of those I shall not notice. The cure had begun."

0 comments - Permalink -

 

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Jesus

11:11 PM by Christi Bowman

My youngest was finally down for his nap, my two older girls were enjoying a movie in their room for quiet time, and I was lingering by the stove, cup in hand, for the whistle of our kettle. I waited with eager anticipation to make my tea and begin enjoying the two hours of solitude that I so desperately covet.

On this particular day my time of solitude was nearly ruined by my child's OCD, some double AA batteries, and a sound machine. As I paused for a while in the kitchen, I thanked God for the way out that He had provided and I confessed that I did not trust Him enough to be my source of strength should the day have turned out differently. This realization saddened me. I couldn't help but think of my brothers and sisters around the globe; they suffer daily in ways which are unimaginable to me and they do not get a two hour respite from their affliction. They MUST find their source of strength in Jesus and all that I really confide in is nap time. I was ashamed by my sense of entitlement.

As I continued to wait, a few of the the glorious times that I have spent in the presence of God came to mind. I have wonderful memories of parenting my children while being completely filled with the love and the presence of Jesus; it is in those moments that I remember being the happiest because it was then that I was completely free to be the parent that He created me to be for the children that He has entrusted into my care.

It was then that I realized that I don't NEED nap time or any of the other escapes that I find myself looking forward to and living for:

All I NEED is Jesus!

0 comments - Permalink -