Sunday, March 23, 2008

Some comfort.

11:23 PM by Christi Bowman

Have you ever been in a place where it is hard to feel God...not emotionaly, but physically. I am not talking about sin in your life that has caused you to move, what I am describing is more physical. Lately, my life has been permeated by the Holy Spirit. Through Him, I have felt the love of God in miraculous ways...ways I have never felt before. I have been moved to tears, walking through my house, in the middle of the day...doing NOTHING...because I long for Him. I have never experienced a LONGING for God before EVER. It is wonderful and terrible at the same time. He is am AMAZING God. He is REAL, and He is NOT academic!! I have enjoyed getting to know THE extremely REAL God more than anything. Because He is real I am FOREVER changed.

My circumstances have changed, and physically I am not in the same place. I am under much stress because of this place. My schedual, and that of my kids is chaotic to say the least. I am in a place with a ton of baggage...emotionaly. I am having to deal with A LOT, both physically, and emotionally. Needless to say, I have not had time for reflection.

In my home, with life as usual, I was able to think on Him many times throughout my day, and marval at what He is doing in MY life. Here it has not been so easy, and I feel lost. I feel far away. "Where are you?" I ask. I panic. Have I done something wrong? I don't want Him to go away...I'm not ready to be on my own again...I have experienced to much. Without Him I KNOW I am NOTHING. I am selfish, I am wretched, I am WEAK...so weak. I need Him. He gave me these words tonight in Acts 17:27-28 (MSG):

he made the entire human race and made the earth hospitable, with plenty of time and space for living so we could seek after God, and not just grope around in the dark but actually find him. He doesn't play hide-and-seek with us. He's not remote; he's near. We live and move in him, can't get away from him!

So life has been a little wierd the last couple of days...and I have missed Him. Still, amidst the pandemonium He was able to get through to ME. He told me that even in the middle of seemingly endless unrest that I can't get away from Him. Reading "groping in the dark" conjures up some vivid imagery for me, and it is how I have felt for the last few days. Almost as if He was just out of my reach...but He never is...it says He is NEAR.

I long for the comfort of my home. I miss my husband. I have a weak to go. The chaos is not going to end as long as I am here. I now have truth though...truth that will get me through this. He is not playing hide and seek with me...He's near...so near in fact I can't get away from Him.

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