I've found myself addicted to many things that have hurt me spiritually, but with the help of an AMAZING God, a WONDERFUL husband, and a few good friends I am overcoming. I have what some people call an addictive personality, and I have heard it said that when one addiction is given up it can be quickly replaced with the next best thing that comes along...all I can say is I HOPE SO.
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Wednesday, April 16, 2008
A Stronghold in My Life.
9:54 AM by Christi Bowman
I have been having some trouble the last few days. I have had an OVERWHELMING sense of incompetence...and feelings of sadness and defeat have accompanied it. I must confess I have not been experiencing Jesus in my everyday life as strongly as I have been. I have had to rely more on the promise that He is there, rather than His actual presence in my life. I have been dealing A LOT with anger, and it mostly shows up around my kids.
I have mentioned before that I am doing a discipleship study, created by Seth Barnes. It is called A Warrior's Journal. A question was asked after yesterday's reading...here it is:
What motivates your actions, do you serve God out of gratitude (a pure heart) or more out of a sense of obligation? On a 1-10 scale where would you be?
This question really got a hold of me, and put me right where I needed to be before God. The reason why I have not seen God in the midst of this problem, with me, is because I was serving Him, in this, out of a sense of obligation. I was trying to fix my anger issues on my own, by trying to behave the way I thought I should. I was trying to fix my actions on the outside, while inside I was reeling with anger. God couldn't work with that...I needed to admit, before God, that this was a heart problem.
So I just want to praise Jesus. He is INCREDIBLE...AWESOME...and He is HERE with me and there for me...ALWAYS. He showed up last night, in all His glory...and showed me that this anger that I struggle with is a stronghold, a generational sin that I was going to have to deal with in my heart...and pray fervently against. He said this anger wasn't going to be as easy to get rid of as the many other things He has recently weeded out of my life. He said this was going to take some time...and some intentionality. He also gave me a way out...a way to deal with it while He was gently weeding it out. He told me I could lay it all at His feet...every second of every day if I needed to.
I just want you guys to listen to another song by Lifehouse...called "Storm". I found it encouraging, as I struggled to reconnect with God. Please keep me in your prayers as I begin this journey to freedom from anger.
