Friday, August 29, 2008

From Butterfly Back to Chrysalis

8:43 AM by Christi Bowman

The walk, this relationship, gives me marvelous butterfly wings of freedom only to remake me into a caterpillar and again form a chrysalis.

God light is powerful and painful yet it is beautiful at the same time. It comes, sometimes, in the form a "house for sale" sign in the front yard. This sign, that sits mightily on my front lawn, has shed a bright light on me and has left exposed some very ugly and anxious traits. And God says "yep, I need to prune those." I find myself thanking Him for the sign, and for the fact that my house has not sold yet. I have been gritting my teeth and shoving my anger, anxiety, and apprehensions into the deep. I have slathered on a fake smile only to have my countenance change unmercifully as soon as I am caught off guard. He wants to take that.

He doesn't want my grim teeth gritting strength, He wants me to have the GLORY-STRENGTH that He gives (Col1:12). I don't know what that metamorphosis process looks like, yet I know that I am in the middle of it. I feel Him changing me. I believe last night, when I realized that I was doing it in my own strength and that I couldn't, but that I couldn't force the change either...that was my entrance into the chrysalis.

My for sale sign is on fire, but it is not burning. Exodus 3:4 says "when the Lord saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him." Maybe the fire was meant for Moses only, and maybe if their were other people with him they would not have seen the fire at all. My sign sits on Irving Park road covered in flames, and none of the passer by's see it at all. The fire burns for me. It is a Spiritual fire. It pointed Moses into the direction of a life change. Moses said "who am I?", and God said "I will be with you." Who am I to be characterized by gentleness? Who am I to be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4:5-7)?

I have been here before...a Spiritual de-ja-vu. In the past I have always chosen teeth gritting jaw clenching human strength. When it has failed, as it always does, I have blamed Him. I have shaken my spiritual fist and said "I tried. Where were you?" I hear Him now saying "I never asked you to try."

I have never given Him this part of me. Truth be told, I don't know how.

Who
am
I?

One thing I do know, I am NOT homesick for the old "jaw clenching" country. I am NOT going back. I am longing for a better country...a Heavenly one (Hebrews 11). It is time for change. Change me Lord.

And I hear Him say "I will be with you."

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