Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Offended

2:19 AM by Christi Bowman

Matthew 11:6 - blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in me.

I learned from Oswald Chambers, a few devotionals back, that when Jesus whispers "blessed are those" or "blessed is he" scriptures into your ear you need to pay close attention.

I had a friend tell me once that I must have prayed some pretty big prayers at one time in my life or another; and as I thought about it I knew that I had. When I read about Moses, as a kid, I asked God to speak to me face to face as friends speak...I thought He had enough friends when He never sat down for a conversation. I have asked that He say about me, as He said of David, that I was a person after His own heart, but in the midst of all my screw ups I had forgotten, for a while, that David was also known for murder and adultery. I have also asked, when I read that He was looking for a resting place, that He rest on me.

I have experienced the Holy Spirit in some pretty fantastic ways, and with no one available, with experience, to lead me and be God with skin on I would be lying if I said that I did not find them to be overwhelming and at times downright disconcerting with a tad bit of scary thrown in for fun. I have in turn been frightened of seeing the Holy Spirit as such because although I was aware of His desire to be known I was also afraid that I would wound Him when He saw how scary I perceived what He was doing in me to be. I thought He would go away.

I have relaxed a little. I have realized that His thoughts are not my thoughts nor His ways my ways. I have realized that if I want to know Him than I have to let Him be who He is in me, but knowing Him is not what I thought it would be. He is not what I expected; matter of fact He is completely other.

I have decided that He has granted my request to be a resting place for Him, but maybe because of who He created me to be I find that when He rests on me I take on a lot of His pain and He has a lot of it. This took a while to recognize and it will take some getting used to, but I like that He has allowed me to be a place of rest for Him.

I knew that He was allowing me to be a place of rest when in a particularly pain filled moment for the oddest of things and at the oddest of times He whispered in my ear "blessed is He who is not offended because of me" He was telling me to relax and to know that He is God and that this is how He manifests Himself through me. This is who He is. He was asking me if who He is in me offends me...

I said no.

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