Sunday, February 8, 2009

Choosing to Suffer.

3:05 AM by Christi Bowman

I have not been pain's biggest fan over the years, matter of fact, a favorite saying of mine has been:

"I am allergic to pain."

As I was reading in Matthew 14, I was blindsided by verse 24. This verse shows up at the end of a very rough day for Jesus. He has just received word that John the Baptist was murdered, by Herod, for being the man of God he was called to be. Not only was Jesus grieving this senseless loss, but I believe John's death hit a little to close to home as it's message rang loud and clear: God's truth is offensive unto death!

Jesus was getting away to mourn and re-center himself only to be followed by throngs of people. The Bible says "He was moved with compassion for them and healed their sick." We watch Jesus as He. all day, puts aside His own emotional well being to minister to this very large group of people.

We are told that His disciples advised Him, well after supper time, to dismiss the crowd. Jesus does not send the crowd away, but instead He uses this time as a teaching moment. He encourages His disciples to strengthen their faith by feeding the masses with that faith, and He demonstrates with His own faith how that is possible.

After everyone is well fed and taken care of we are reminded that all is not well if we are attentive to Jesus' actions. We observe Him quickly ushering His disciples by boat onto the sea, we discern Him slip away, and we eventually witness Him getting to do what He set out to do earlier: find solace in His Father.

But the business of this day doesn't stop here; He does not get to rest. Matthew informs us in verse 23 that He was finally alone only to follow it up by a great big BUT in verse 24:

23 Now when evening came, He was alone there. 24 BUT the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary.

As an introvert who desperately wants to be like Jesus, this verse scares me to death!

I can relate to being with people for a lot longer than I expected to be, but, what I cling to with clenched fists in that moment is the alone time I will receive. I covet and stubbornly hold on so tightly to that alone time, that when it finally does come, if anyone dares to disturb it, I act out in such ungodly ways that I am pained by them later.


As I read this I had a panic attack for Jesus! He calmed me down and explained some things to me by bringing me to Hebrews 5:7-8:

7 who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death, and was heard because of His godly fear, 8 though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered.

When I first looked at these verses I was troubled. What do you mean, oh writer of Hebrews, that Jesus was heard? He was not saved from death...or was He? After a day of reflection on these verses I have come to believe that the death Jesus prayed so vehemently against was the death by seperation that you and I face everyday when we give into our flesh at the expense of others by demanding our rights.

It became all to clear to me what Jesus is alluding to in John 12:24-25:

24 Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. 25 He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

We are under no circumstances to occupy ourselves with the pursuit of our own happiness, safety, or comfort. We are to pursue suffering. We are never to look for ways to end our own pain, but only find ways to enter into the suffering of others so as to alleviate theirs. The only salve we have a right to is our belief in God Himself, but even that does not guarantee us the right to be alone with Him at the expense of others.

No, Jesus ended this very emotionally taxing day by once again putting His own needs aside and heading out to sea. He walked on water, encouraged Peter and the rest to greatness, and calmed the storm. He was found by His Father.

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