Sunday, February 7, 2010

Questions and Thoughts about Baby Landina

11:20 PM by Christi Bowman

I sent the following letter to Shaun King, pastor of Courageous Church in Atlanta, asking questions about his efforts for Baby Landina. Although I did not know how the pastor would respond to my questions, I was not at all prepared for his response via his Twitter stream.

I was fairly shocked at being called a Wackjob and an evil stalker by a person who I respected for the amazing relief work he has been orchestrating for Haiti. My intentions in writing the letter were never cold or demeaning, but instead stemmed from a desire to seek understanding.

Perhaps I have sanctity of life issues, I don't know. My understanding tells me this is a journey and I don't have to have all the right answers today. The only way I will learn is by asking questions and feeling people and issues out as I discuss them.

I cannot guarantee you that I will in any way come to your conclusions once you share them with me, nor will I feel the need to apologize for how I see things should I choose after talking with you to keep my own current opinion regarding baby Landina.

We all see through a glass dimly. Neither one of us has the right answer. I in no way see you as an expert...you have a different opinion than me, and I am seeking wisdom.

Baby Landina has no parents and no known living relatives. She is a resident of the poorest country on her continent where without parents or relatives she will most likely end up in an orphanage with pretty poor living conditions. She needed to have her arm amputated. Forgive me if I am wrong, but third world countries don't strike me as having an over abundance of white collar jobs. Without an arm, even if she was to live, what kind of future would she have?

I am in no way advocating for mass killings of the underprivileged by asking these questions. It is just that this baby is on the brink of death, and life isn't what I would call a gift. There is tons and tons of pain in the world even for those of us that live with immense amounts of privilege. I can't imagine life being any worse and yet I know that it is for much more of the world than it isn't. A very sad reality.

God doesn't promise us a pain free existence, not by a long shot...I would even say that pain is a gift...but in that same way that Jesus tells his disciples that He doesn't give to them like the world gives to them. I'm not advocating that we let people die in order to help them avoid pain. I am saying though that I think death can be a gift. If the situation is looking impossible it may just be that God wants to give his precious 3month old Landina the gift of death.

I happen to be a universalist and believe that this side of eternity is not the only place you get to make eternal decisions...but even non universalists show grace to a 3 month old. What could she possibly need this life for at 3 months? Her future looks bleak...sure she could beat the odds, but her future is still bleak because life is bleak...whether privileged or underprivileged.

If things were lining up for baby Landina that would be great...I guess if you feel the need to stamp and shout to intervene...whatever...I just think that sometimes God wants something, but does something else b/c people ask him to...I think we should be careful and consider everyone when we are asking God to intervene...

For what reason or for whom exactly are you/we asking God to intervene? I started following you b/c I thought you had something to say, but I have been getting the vibe lately that this is a lot more about you...perhaps it didn't start out that way, but you've been getting a lot of attention and I see all the talk of awards...Are you sure you aren't doing this to be a hero? Do you plan on keeping tabs on baby Landina if she is kept alive to see what God spared her for or do you just want to see her live so you can say you made it happen?

Don't get me wrong, I think being a hero is fine...the world probably needs heroes. You have done some great things and the noise you have made has impacted thousands and may impact millions. I have retweeted you on several occasions...even prompted my husband to give money to some of the things you have organized.

Forgive me if my hunch is wrong, but I sincerely feel as though you may be crossing a line here. I do believe that God answers prayer...I believe God at times gives up what God wants for what we ask for. I personally have ceased praying for miracles like this one b/c we don't know everything...we can't possibly take into consideration everything.

For us and our kids, living in industrialized nations, life can seem beautiful and well worth living...it can seem to us that if u don't get to live you miss out...but life isn't like that for everybody.

Perhaps God is sparing her from this life b/c he doesn't want to watch what her future will be...it will hurt God to watch her live out what others must live out...b/c of this tragedy she may be getting a pass and so might God. What if you are asking God to endure pain God wouldn't have to if God takes her into his presence..what if, b/c God loves you and those you have gotten to pray, he does indeed give you what you asked? You don't have to endure what God now has to endure....you don't even have to live the life Landina has to...which will be far harder due to the death of her birth parents and a missing arm in the third world. You don't have to be Landina's child whose life will be more complicated b/c her/his mommy doesn't have an arm. Nope, you get to live your cushy American life while others suffer at the hands of your prayer...and it will all be God's will (b/c he chose to answer your prayer) and he will make something beautiful out of the mess...but you have no idea what you are asking for...

this is all emotional and so "now" oriented and bent out of your world view which isn't the only one.

I have not meant to hurt you, make you mad or anything else. I have been blunt, but that is the only way I know how to get across what I feel I need to get across. I do not wish to unfollow you because I disagree so please if you are going to respond at all do not reply with that. I respect you... Think you have good motives ect...I just have bad feelings about this and wanted to discuss/share

Thanks for your time

Christi

As you can see in the first three paragraphs, I do nothing but admit that my understanding is more than likely flawed. I was hoping to get the perspective of a man I admired from a far but was having trouble understanding in that moment. As an American, behind the scenes, I have done what I can do...given where I can give...and will continue to do so. What is going on in Haiti is beyond my comprehension. There are no easy answers.

This morning, I read, In "Conspire Magazine:"

"Close to the end of all things there is a Hello. And we realize that the end of all things is the beginning"

I have a twitter friend, Hugh Hallowell, who says:

"Jesus won't pay your utility bill, but he will sit in the dark with you"

I'm working out my salvation and doing the best that I can to make some sort of sense out of this God I am madly in love with. I mean no disrespect and am always willing to dialogue. I will be the first to admit that I am wrong...but I will need to discuss it. My favorite verse is "We all see through a glass dimly" To me that says, don't take yourself too seriously, but it also gives me the freedom to take everyone else less seriously.

Peace.

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